When “Likes” Become Leashes: How Approval Addiction Derails Alignment

There’s a moment, subtle but devastating, when the compass needle shifts—when we stop asking, “Is this right for me?” and start asking, “Will they approve?”

In today’s world, this moment isn’t just common—it’s institutionalized. The currency of digital society is approval: likes, followers, reposts, applause. We chase engagement metrics as if they’re divine signals of value. The danger, of course, is that they’re not. They’re dopamine tricksters—external validators dressed up as inner truth.

And I’m not immune.

In fact, if I’m honest—and what else is this blog for?—I’ve spent much of my life surrendering my internal compass to the gravitational pull of others’ approval. My students. My mother. Every strong, intelligent woman who ever looked at me with either admiration or disappointment. Their gaze became my GPS.

What I mistook for love or support was often a transaction—my authenticity traded for their affirmation. Even my accomplishments, meaningful as they were, felt somehow haunted. Not because they weren’t real, but because they weren’t mine. They were performances for an audience I didn’t realize I’d hired.

The Philosophy of Alignment Meets the Algorithm of Approval

At the core of my working philosophy—what I call Alignment—is the pursuit of living from the inside out. It’s about connecting to a deeper self, attuning to that inner stillness that whispers instead of shouts. But striving for alignment while addicted to approval is like trying to meditate in a nightclub. You might be seated in silence, but the bassline of judgment thumps through your chest.

Approval, when it replaces internal direction, is a kind of possession. You become inhabited by the expectations of others. This is not mere metaphor—psychologically, it’s dissociation. Philosophically, it’s a betrayal of essence. And spiritually, it’s exile from the soul’s home.

Why It’s So Hard to Stop

Let’s not pretend it’s easy to break this cycle. Social media didn’t create the addiction to approval—it simply monetized it. From childhood, we are conditioned to seek approval to survive. Babies need smiles. Children need grades. Adults need performance reviews and claps at the end of TED Talks. The danger isn’t in the existence of approval—it’s in its supremacy.

When approval becomes the North Star, Alignment becomes a casualty.

And so, many of us wake up each day not asking, “What is my soul trying to do today?” but rather, “What will get the most positive feedback?”

That’s the algorithm talking. That’s the machine inside the machine.

My Challenge—and Yours

So here’s what I’m working on: I’m learning to sit in the quiet unease of not being noticed. I’m practicing creating without applause, writing without watching the “like” count, driving my 911 not for Instagram reels but for joy itself.

And every time I hear that old voice—my mother’s, a critic’s, an ex-lover’s—I try to ask: “Is this voice guiding me, or is it pulling me off course?”

The goal isn’t to not care what people think. That’s a myth. The goal is to care less than you care about your own compass.

Because Alignment isn’t found in the spotlight. It’s found in the shadows where you sit alone, undistracted, asking: Who am I when no one is watching?